REVIEW: BEFORE I LET YOU GO, BY KELLY RIMMER

 

The 2:00 a.m. call is the first time Lexie Vidler has heard her sister’s voice in years. Annie is a drug addict, a thief, a liar—and in trouble, again. Lexie has always bailed Annie out, given her money, a place to sleep, sent her to every kind of rehab. But this time, she’s not just strung out—she’s pregnant and in premature labor. If she goes to the hospital, she’ll lose custody of her baby—maybe even go to prison. But the alternative is unthinkable.

As the weeks unfold, Lexie finds herself caring for her fragile newborn niece while her carefully ordered life is collapsing around her. She’s in danger of losing her job, and her fiancé only has so much patience for Annie’s drama. In court-ordered rehab, Annie attempts to halt her downward spiral by confronting long-buried secrets from the sisters’ childhoods, ghosts that Lexie doesn’t want to face. But will the journey heal Annie, or lead her down a darker path?

My Thoughts: Before I Let You Go was a familiar story to me, after working with dysfunctional families and addicts for a number of years. Each story has its unique journey to the horrific slide toward “nothing left to lose,” but each one is filled with the frustration of human vulnerability and failure.

The author offers a unique perspective with alternating narratives: Lexie’s voice in the first person, revealing the family history and how her own life has gone off the rails because of her sister’s addiction, followed by Annie’s journal entries. The horror of her stepfather’s abuse reveals much about Annie’s need to sever ties with family and regain control of her life, but whenever she faced challenges, she sought escape through drug abuse, sinking further into the pit.

After the baby’s birth, she faced criminal charges, since the state’s laws demanded this outcome…unless she could complete a rehab program. Lexie stepped in to provide “kinship” care of the baby, who had suffered withdrawal from drugs after the birth. As a doctor, with her fiance Sam who is also a physician, the future looks promising for this temporary family.

Would Annie finally reach sobriety? Would Lexie be able to let go of her own feeling of responsibility for Annie’s outcomes?

A familiar and tragic tale that tugged at my heartstrings, even as I felt Lexie’s frustrations. I wanted to tell Annie that she needed to open up with the whole truth of her past life and what led her down that dark road…but, like Lexie, we had to let go of our own sense of responsibility for the outcomes. Urging Annie on would not be enough. Sadness follows these characters, but I felt hopeful for Lexie and the baby. By the end, I needed tissues to deal with the tearful finality of Annie’s choices. 4.5 stars.

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